pleasure seekers

“They say we’re flying too high, well get used to looking up, let’s open our eyes to the brand new day.”

shit, i like him so much. im so nervous about talking to him though, which is weird because im not the shy type. i keep wondering, was it just another one of her lies, that he hit on her, or did he actually? he’s so equisite, both on the outside nad the inside and i really miss our old conversations. when did they die out, they were so wonderful. he talked about his brother, i remember, his mom, his hatred for his father, the stress he was under. i wish i could see hi, you know? get him to fall in love with me. it sucks though, this situation, because it remidns me that though i often think im invincible, and that through living in new york city, having a job and making my own money, by having those things, i have teh oppurtunity to do almost anything my heart really desires. but it’s odd—i keep saying that if i really wanted to, as soon as im eighteen, if i saved up enough, theres nothing stopping me from going to california to meet some of the people i really want to meet, so whats stopping me, even more so it seems, from doing the same exact thing…with someone else that lives in brooklyn like i do.
why must things always be so complicated?
why can’t i just do these things on impulse, without thinking of every single thing that could go wrong? this whole situation, it makes me feel gutless, less brave. it steals my hope.
i need someone like you in my life.